Believe it or not, some people still look forward to buying new CDs (remember those?) on the day of their release. Today, Sept. 28th, 2010, marks the first day of a packed music week, with some good stuff hitting stores (Neil Young, Eric Clapton, T.I., Ben Folds & Nick Hornby, Jimmy Eat World), but, we regret to say, some truly heinous albums overwhelming the lone bright spots. Here are 10 reasons why Sept. 28th will henceforth be known as The Day The Music Died.
10. Phil Collins, Going Back
For his first album in eight years, Collins came up with the original idea of covering Motown and soul covers. So, it's like his cringe-inducing version of "You Can't Hurry Love" repeated 12 times? Have mercy!
9. Seal, Commitment
Few will argue that Seal should've kept going after "Crazy" (or Batman Forever's "Kiss From a Rose" if you're feeling generous). Yet here Mr. Heidi Klum is again with his sixth album, hoping to at least score a gig on a fashion runway somewhere.
8. Graffiti6, Colours
Never heard of these guys? We hadn't, either. But then we heard one of their members actually appeared in Step Up, and that speaks volumes. Deafening, crappy volumes.
7. Ronnie Wood, I Feel Like Playing
Hey, we've got nothing against the perpetual "new guy in the Stones." Well, except his pointless solo records, many of which practically sound like a liter of vodka poured over a mic.
6. Orchestral Manoeuvers in the Dark, History of Modern
Can't get enough of the Pretty in Pink jam "If You Leave" on every rock radio station's "all '80s weekend"? Well, here's an entire album's worth of new material from the guys who wrote it! And Molly Ringwald may even be available to come hang out and listen to it with you!
5. The Doobie Brothers, World Gone Crazy
The good: Willie Nelson and former Doobie brother-in-arms Michael McDonald make appearances, apparently. The bad: Only a fool believes the words "first album in 10 years" are enticing whatsoever, especially when describing 60-somethings who aren't the Beatles.
4. Gin Blossoms, No Chocolate Cake
But what if 1995 calls and wants it cake back?
3. A Barenaked Lady
To clarify: "The Barenaked Lady who left the band due to a drug bust." Or a desire to embark on a sure-to-be successful solo career. You be the judge.
2. Kelsey Grammer and some other guy who can't possibly be any lamer, La Cage Aux Folles: New Broadway Cast Recording
Grammer singing the Robin Williams role from The Birdcage? Hmmm, what could be possibly suck about this?
1. Liza Minelli, Confessions
Cue Shatner-esque Khan scream: LIIIIIIIZZZZAAAAA!!!! If the reptilian wonder only kept her appearances limited to Snickers commercials and Arrested Development guest spots, we could all sleep a little easier at night. But no, she keeps churning out albums, despite the cries of children with bleeding ear drums the world over. And what do you know, this one is comprised of "standards." What, you were expecting tejano? Actually, that would be totally rad. We take it back Liza, you're awesome and can sing anything. Now make with the tejano album, sweetheart!
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