by MAXIM Alec Piliafas
Sarah Michelle Gellar, The Grudge (2004)
Finest Moment: Continually wandering round her house alternately opening doors, getting scared and falling over, but looking oddly adorable as she does so.We love a woman who doesn’t want either cats or children.
Survival Status: Unknown. Despite taking a beating, our plucky heroine looks like she’s going to make it to the end credits un-deaded – but then she gets a surprise visit at the morgue. Sad trombone noise…
Natalie Jackson Mendoza,The Descent (2005)Finest Moment: Triggering the eye-watering finale of the spelunking-based monster movie by earlier sleeping with her friend’s husband, as well as being a dab-hand at impaling flesh-eating cave crawlers with a pick-axe.
Survival status: Unknown. Her death is very heavily implied, but she shows up in the sequel to kill a few more beasts. However, the sequel followed off from the alternative, US market ending, which differed from the original European release, so it depends which version you’re watching. Confused yet? Good! Let’s go spelunking!
Adrienne Barbeau, Swamp Thing (1982)
Finest Moment: Taking a long, relaxing, naked bath in a humid, filthy swamp, while a giant plant monster watches her from the bushes, apparently trying to blow his nose on a book.
Survival status: Pass. If you count ending up with a living vegetable for a boyfriend as living, that is. Hey, some people do, you know!
Ali Larter, Final Destination(2000)
Finest Moment: Narrowly avoiding being impaled by a flying drying rack, electrocuted by an entire pool’s worth of sparking, zappy water, dropped by a loose roof tile, blown up by an exploding TV, impaled by a falling beam and incinerated by a burning car – all in the space of a little under five minutes.
Survival status: Pass. This girl lives to act another day in the sequel, where she is subsequently put to the test once more to see if she can survive. Check out this sexy star in the second thriller to see if she survives! (SPOILER: SHE DOESN’T.)
Emmanuelle Chriqui,Wrong Turn (2003)
Finest Moment: Guess what? Cannibalistic mountain men are not the best vacation buddies! Emmanuelle looked great running around in her little tank top, but the mutant-faced, blood-drenched hillbillies detracted somewhat from the view.
Survival status: Fail. She takes an axe to the mouth from a mountain man and dies instantly, the top half of her head still stuck to the tree she naively tried to hide behind. Insert your own “head” or “chopper” jokes here, we’re too busy throwing up in our own mouths.
Megan Fox, Jennifer's Body(2009)
Finest Moment: Amanda Seyfried and Megan Fox go at it: Best. Scene. Ever!Jennifer, a cheerleader, is now a succubus, and needs to eat human flesh to stay alive. We hear the same is true of Wendy Williams, but for legal reasons, we can’t print that as fact.
Survival status: Fail. She gets penetrated again and again by a utility knife. We get it, you wanted every move toward Megan Fox to be a sexual innuendo. Enough already!
Olivia Munn, Insanitarium(2008)
Finest Moment: She goes around covered in hot goo the entire movie as she fights every crazed patient that she's ever encountered, in a scene not too dissimilar to what happens every time she visits the Maxim office (Olivia, is it just us, or have you visited less frequently lately?) She works in a testing facility (that advertises itself as an asylum) where it tests pharmaceuticals on patients. Predictably enough, it drives them to eat one another as hot nurse Olivia looks for a way out. You go, you plucky nerd nurse, you!
Survival status: Fail. Go figure they kill the one hot girl towards the end of the movie as some crazed zombie nurse chomps down on her neck. A scene that we have in no way reenacted at home with a giant salami and a brown wig, no siree.
Shannon Elizabeth, Jack Frost (1997)Finest Moment: Having an indulgent (and very naked) bath, right before encountering Jack Frost, a serial killer with a freak mutation who escaped prison right before his planned execution (did Alec Baldwin dig him a tunnel or something?)
Survival status: Fail. She gets her head smashed against a wall in a death scene that’s somehow even more undignified than actually getting molested by a real snowman.
Asia Argento, Land of the Dead (2005)Finest Moment: She blows up half the movie with explosives and machine guns wearing nothing but fishnets. That's because Asia's character is a zombie-killing prostitute who gets tossed into a zombie arena as punishment (which is a wild fucking coincidence, because that's exactly how we got back in touch with our estranged dad).
Survival status: Pass. This badass lady powers through the undead and still manages to walk away with her leather boots and machine gun while smoking a blunt (do we sound cool when we say words like "blunt"? We hope so. Last time we referred to it as a "jazz cigarette", and the children on the bus laughed at us).
Olivia Wilde, Turistas (2006)
Finest Moment: What happens when American hotties go on vacation to a beach? Bikinis and, of course, kidnapping! But mainly bikinis, at least in the first act. She and her friends find themselves on the run from Brazilian men who want to harvest their organs, and not in a sexy way. Olivia’s wardrobe includes a bikini, short shorts, another bikini, tank tops, bras, and more bikinis. And they’re normally doused in sea water, to boot.
Survival status: Pass. Based on standard law of “main characters must survive” (real original, Hollywood!) she manages to avoid getting her organs – wait, we already made the “not in a sexy way” joke, right? Damn. That’s us spent. Come back tomorrow.
Erica Durance, House of the Dead (2003)
Finest Moment: This party girl passes the en-durance test with her sexy topless scene on the beach, but totally fails the girlfriend test when she goes for a swim in the water while her boyfriend is being murdered.
Survival status: Fail. She’s a sexy party animal and one of the first to go. She might be known for being Lois Lane on Smallville, but Superman must have a weakness to the undead, because they kill the shit out of her (dubbed into French in this version, to make it less tragic).
Patricia Arquette,Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors (1987)
Finest Moment: Realizing she has the power to kick Freddy Kreuger’s ass by bringing all her friends into her dream, where they suddenly all get superpowers. If you can call being a knife-wielding junkie a superpower.
Survival status: Pass. Freddy slits this girl’s wrists, but she manages to survive by the skin of her teeth, despite the least subtle Freudian dream imagery we’ve ever seen.
Salma Hayek, From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
Finest Moment: The sexy hell-spawn (we mean your character, not you, Salma. Call us?) dances it up with a snake in between her thighs on table tops while drinking beers and killing the shit out of late-90s Quentin Tarantino (considering his 2000s output, not such a bad idea).
Survival status: Fail. The vampire vixen gets impaled by a falling chandelier after trying to make George Clooney her pet (just be careful around the house, Stacy Keibler, that’s all we’re saying).
Kelly Brook, Piranha 3D(2010)
Finest Moment: Every second the British bombshell is running around in her bikini, which is a pretty big chunk of screen time. Certainly bigger than the chunks her character ended up as (seriously, piranha poop is small, y’all).
Survival status: Fail. Following the age-old law of horror movies that “the most attractive girl with the best boobs must always die” (what the fuck, Hollywood?),Kelly was eaten face-first by a ravenous pool of mutated piranhas. And that was just her first meeting with the movie’s producers!
Movies in Theaters on Friday, 2011
This weekend's cinematic offerings show us that baseball is an exact science; you're never too old to break the law while rocking out to a Scorpions song; some of God's greatest soldiers were once the scum of the earth; and we're all getting really, really old if it's true that Pearl Jam has been around for 20 damn years. See which of these might be worthy of your moviegoing dollars.
A rare true-life sports story that takes place more behind the scenes than in the field, Moneyballdepicts the long, hard road that Billy Beane (Brad Pitt), the general manager of the near-bankrupt Oakland Athletics, took to put together an A-list team by using computer-generated techniques to create a sort of hand-picked baseball equivalent of the Island of Misfit Toys. Beane rejected the decades-long practice of traditional baseball recruitment (what was influenced by a bunch of hopelessly behind-the-times old-timers) and swung for the fences with a plan that was so strange and just plain out there that‚ well, it's no wonder that it actually worked! Pitt is the perfect choice to play Beane, a man on a mission whose only ally is a statistics whiz kid right out of college (Jonah Hill, who's doing rather well with these grown-up kinds of roles); you also get Philip Seymour Hoffman (who does little more in the trailer than look worried) reuniting with his Capote director, Bennett Miller. This one's already got all sorts of Oscar buzz -- it might be worth purchasing your pre-season ticket already.
What's this movie actually about? As far as we can tell, it's basically little more than a showcase for Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro to mug, scowl and look cool as they shoot guns and crash through panes of glass as the Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane" plays full-blast from the gates of Hell itself. You'd think Statham would be as sick of making these kinds of movies as we are of him being in them, but the "British Bruce Willis" shows no signs of slowing down -- or taking on a role where he actually gets to display a little humility and, you know, other stuff that real human beings do. Statham's so "cool," it's exhausting, and, quite frankly, it's a little depressing how old Robert De Niro has gotten -- which leaves us with Owen, sporting a gross moustache and giving his trademark "You can tell I'm concerned and confused because I'm staring" look. Oh, what are we complaining about? This thing's going to be awesome.
Machine Gun Preacher
We should definitely thank director Marc Forster for giving Gerard Butler a role in something that's not a lame romantic comedy co-starring Jennifer Aniston or Hilary Swank or Katherine Heigl or whoever else he's starred in a lame romantic comedy with over the past few years. Don't let the B-movie-ish, Hobo with a Shotgun-esque title throw you off -- Machine Gun Preacher is the strange but true story of Sam Childers, a former drug-dealing biker who found God and became a crusader for hundreds of Sudanese children and later founded the Angels of East Africa, an orphanage in Nimule, Sudan. Whatever inspired a hard-drinking thug to shun his devilish ways and go save the children in the name of the Lord can only be described as being something of a modern-day miracle -- call this a Saul/Paul yarn for those who know their Bible, and Childers certainly knows his. However, for all the good intentions and inspiring life-changing activities going on in this, we're mostly looking forward to seeing Butler indulge in his first truly manly role since hollering about Sparta at the top of his lungs as Leonidas in 300.
Pearl Jam Twenty
We're very, very happy that there's a documentary chronicling twenty years of a planet with Pearl Jam on it, and we're even happier that this documentary was directed by Cameron Crowe, the man who gave them a cameo appearance (and put them on the soundtrack) when they were just young up-and-comers in Singles, way back in 1992. Crowe's a master at putting together a great soundtrack, and he's got nothing if not a wealth of riches here to choose from -- and a ton of back story as to where this great grunge act came from in the first place, and why it survived when so many others from Seattle didn't make it past, oh, 1995. We're looking forward to seeing what the ever-opinionated Eddie Vedder has to say about the last two decades, and of course we're totally psyched for all of the never-before-seen concert footage that's undoubtedly sprinkled throughout; whether Pearl Jam Twenty has anything of interest for non-fans remains to be seen, but we're not too concerned about what those people think.
With the arrival of the eagerly-awaited comedy Bridesmaids, GQ was inspired to search through our vast archive of hilarious women who also happen to look good in next to nothing. You're in luck: These photos are no laughing matter
The Marvel blockbuster is a modish trip back to 1962, where the mutant supergroup looks more like the Mad X-Men than contemporary crusaders. GQ spoke to costume designer Sammy Sheldon about getting the movie's sleek, sexy look
BY MIKE RYAN
Erik Lehnsherr / Magneto (Michael Fassbender)
"This character is a joy to dress because he's James Bond, in one sense. He has the perfect outfit for every situation. Money is no object; whatever he needs, he gets. If he weren't in a suit, he'd be in a polar neck or that kind of Jack Kerouac kind of easy clothing. When you look at the early Bond films, you've got those short-sleeve, fine knitted '60s tops and a pair of trousers, but they just look fantastic. We did a lot of research into images of things in Dr. No and bits and pieces of Thunderball and Goldfinger. Those early ones. And we looked at how Bond uses clothing in each situation and it's always absolutely perfect for the day or the evening or whatever. The other film we referenced for Magneto and Charles Xavier, was The Thomas Crown Affair. [Director] Matthew Vaughn was very keen on the way that Steve McQueen dresses in that because he has very particular tailoring in that—which actually is not right for the period in this film."
Charles Xavier (James McAvoy)
"He's very studious. Of all of the characters, he's the most realistic in one sense because he's the grounded, studious professor. I suppose he's the least caricatured of all of them—he's the voice of reason. So his clothing kind of needed to reflect his human side, in a way. In one sense, I wanted him to not look like he cared too much about fashion and, yet, keep it within the realms of the fashionable part of '60s that we were trying to portray. With the professor, we had a wardrobe that we interchanged throughout. So he had one favorite jacket, which is the grey jacket that you see in a lot of the publicity stills—it's a single-breasted fall jacket—that he obviously really liked to wear and it looked great on him.
We kind of tried to do this three-piece thing because he's often scene in a three-piece suit. You might notice that he's not always in a three-piece suit, but there's always a waistcoat underneath or it's always three pieces. One of them, a double-breasted one, is very similar to his double-breasted suit in X-Men 2. We tried to be as faithful as we could, where we could pull those ideas so you could see the characters had gone on a journey, if that makes sense. Color-wise with him we kept it very monochrome—a lot of gray and pale blue whites and blues. We kept him in that range, nothing black. We wanted to keep it away from the very, very black and white, which we used for other characters."
Emma Frost (January Jones)
"Of all of the characters, she's the most comic book. If you look at all of the references in the comic books, she's always, always dressed in white—and usually very little clothing. We actually did, surprisingly, cover her up more than what is in the comic books but there's only so far that you can go. Some of the stuff that I really wanted to try and get as close to the looks that were there, but obviously once you turn those into three dimensions on the body they don't work—we had to make it more practical.
She's usually wearing something very sparkly. In the very first scene you see her in, [she's wearing] crystal underwear. On the boat it's a white laced dress that is more mid-1960s, to be quite frank. She's also a character that you can have artistic license with and push it into the future slightly. Matthew wanted fantastic tailoring, but, with the women, he didn't like the 1962 look. So one of the things we decided very early on is that we weren't going to be absolutely period correct and make the film look like it's a documentary styled film about 1962. With the women, we did move the look a little bit toward '65. Hers were very Emma Peel from The Avengers. You know, that mid-'60s sexy type of skirt. But it's such a caricatured character; you can kind of push the boundaries there a bit more. It's nice to look at."
Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon)
"Sebastian Shaw was a really interesting one because there isn't a great deal of comic book references for him, but, what is there, he always is depicted in an 18th century coat, a pony tail and a big ascot. Matthew and I both went, 'No.' We cannot have the whole film in the stylish 1960s world and then have this guy running around in an 18th century coat. So we used the elements that we could, like the ascot. So we gave him a small ascot that looks more like what people wore in the 1960s. He has a smoking jacket for the scenes in the Hellfire Club. He has a suit when it's necessary. He has a big coat for Russia. He, again, is one of those characters where money is not a problem in terms of what he needs for each situation. You might notice that there's always a little bit of dark red in his costume, that was just to reference back to the dark red of the waistcoat that was always depicted in the comic books."
Raven Darkholme / Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence)
"The thing with Jennifer, her character, the first time you see her she's a child and she's trying to hide herself pretending to be Charles' mother. He protects her, but she hates herself. She can't always control her transformation. She feels terribly insecure and self-conscious about turning blue and naked all of the time. So, one of the things we tried to do with her was cover her up as much as possible. When you discuss these things with Matthew and you develop these characters, we want to make sure that we can see some leg. Because everything else about her is covered up. We started off as very covered up and as she goes through the film she starts not covering her arms up, wearing things that are slightly more blue.
It's quite a tricky journey to go on because you have to bear in mind that the story dictates certain clothing, so it's a juggle between the practicalities of the situation she's in versus trying to tell the story of how she slowly comes to terms with her mutantcy. Hopefully it's quite subliminal."
Hank McCoy / Beast (Nicholas Hoult)
"He's very similar in his nature to Raven, in that he's very embarrassed about his looks. When you read about Hank McCoy, not only did he have the feet, but he was hairy underneath his clothing. So, when you see him in the film, his collar is always done up tight or he wears a T-shirt to cover everything that you can see from his neck down. And he always has a long sleeve shirt or a cardigan. That's a very subliminal thing, but we wanted him to look slightly geeky and studious; he throws himself into his lab work as a way of escaping from having to deal with people. That was a tricky character to make a strong fashion statement with, so we kept it to the checkered shirt and the slightly mismatched tie. And his glasses are a really big thing in the comic book—even when he's Beast, he always wears glasses. That was a big thing that we had to make sure that we got right."
Angel Salvadore (Zoe Kravitz)
"Her character is a go-go girl, so we made the go-go outfits for her and the boots with the laces up the side. And due to the fact that she has wings—and that she reveals them quite often—we had to make all her clothes halter-neck. Everything we made for her was halter-neck so that you could see the tattoo all of the time. So that was quite a tricky one, actually. Because we had to make the clothing fit around the tattoo so it could reveal as much if it as possible. Though, technically, although he clothes look very simple, all the dresses she wore were really tricky."
Sean Cassidy / Banshee (Caleb Landry Jones)
"We started looking at very early Mick Jagger, but I think that was a little too extreme. So we pulled it back a bit. So we still managed to get the tight trousers, but it was decided that he would have to wear a little bit more casual clothing. So he ended up with the '60s button up T-shirts and bomber jackets and windbreaker type things. And we gave him some Cuban-heeled boots to give him a bit of height—not that he needed height, but just to elongate his legs a bit more."
Alex Summers / Havoc (Lucas Till)
"Basically we looked slightly earlier for him, so we gave him that kind of denim jeans and T-shirt look. The slightly rocker leather jacket—you know, he's been in prison and is a little bit more streetwise. So of all of them, his clothes are slightly a throwback to the '50s. His character is quite easy to do. He's very easy to dress anyway—he's got a great figure."
Armando Muñoz/ Darwin (Edi Gathegi)
"We actually looked at some really early pictures of Muhammad Ali and tried to keep that look for him. There were some really great early pictures of Ali—he's got those really cool tight trousers and great leather shoes. And the knitted cardigan he was really in to—or the knitted short sleeved Polo shirts. So we just went with that look for him because it worked really well."
Azazel (Jason Flemyng)
"His character, being basically the devil… I found this reference in a Bond movie – it was either Dr. No or Goldfinger, but Bond wears a Nero jacket. And Matthew really wanted me to get a Nero jacket in somewhere. So I did some research into where in the world we could place that in the '60s look. You do find a lot of Nero jackets being worn in the slightly later '60s, particularly in the Mod era. So we mixed all of that together and then designed this jacket that was basically his suit for the whole thing—he never changed. And we had to elongate it to make it into the long Nero jacket instead of the short '60s look. He has a tail, so we had to also think, as the character, how would he deal with having a tail coming out of his trousers. So you elongate the jacket—you would make that choice if you had a tail, I think."
Janos Quested / Riptide (Alex Gonzalez)
He was a really tricky character because there are very, very little comic book references for him. There were about five pictures and he's always depicted in a kind of purple suit with a bit of silver. So that's where his two silver and purple suits came from because we couldn't suddenly have someone within the realms of all of this sharp tailoring and early '60's etiquette in something really alien. So we decided to just go with the suit look and reference the comic book colors within that.
Moira MacTaggert (Rose Byrne)
"Rose is the only non-mutant. Her history in the comic books, she's always there in the background for quite a long time—she's always in lab coats or high boots. She's portrayed quite odd in the comic books. What we did was decide that she's a woman in a man's world in the '60s, which is quite unusual at that time to have a woman in that position. We wanted to portray her as not too sexy and not the kind of dolly bird woman in the workplace. We tried to make her look like she was serious and means business. So her suits, even though they're short, we tailored them so that they were fairly conservative. And when she's relaxing, she's in the '60s little short Capri pants—just quite simple clothing. In a similar way that Charles is more about the job than it's about the fashion."
"Basically, the brief I was given for the X-Suits—which is obviously a huge thing with the whole world of X-Men—is that we needed to go somewhere else other than where they were going with them. That's the future, where did they come from? So it's a big challenge to go back in time to try and create something that you know has got to go on a journey somewhere to get to where you already got. Matthew was very specific with me: he did not want them to be fitted or leather jump suits that were skintight muscle suits. We wanted to go away from that entirely.
He wanted functionality, which is something I'm very keen on. I never like to design things that have no purpose whatsoever. We referenced as much as we could about NASA space suits and pressure suits from the military and put elements of the technology that we could within the realms of believability—but it still looked cool. And Matthew was very keen that we keep it very faithful to the very first X-Men comic book that was released—the very first one that has five characters on the front with yellow fronts and yellow pants. The underpants part had to go, because it just didn't look cool. One of the things that is quite clear is that the yellow is actually meant to be Kevlar… and 1962 is when Kevlar was developed at DuPont. So that was a key element to keeping that within the suits because Kevlar is bulletproof. We ended up finding this fabric which is what the majority of the suit is made out off that is basically a ballistic nylon, which kind of looks similar to Kevlar.
In the end, they were really successful that we made something that really looks utilitarian as much as it looks X-Men. And I hope that comes across that it doesn't just look like some jump suit that is designed for no reason. I don't even think you can see a tenth of the detail that's in them—it takes one person two weeks to put one together. And each one of the characters has a slightly different suit depending on their power. For instance, Havoc has these rings that hones his energy. Banshee has an expandable chest and wings. Charles Xavier's has more Kevlar because he has no powers that can protect him as much. And then Jennifer's… we tried to make it look as sexy as possible, hopefully."
So many sequels, so many superheroes, so much slop. Traversing the summer movie slate is no easy feat. So GQ has created this handy guide, collecting the Obvious— your standard can't-find-a-seat-opening night blockbuster—and the Underdog alternative—whether a quiet, thoughtful indie, or a flesh-ripping genre flick. Either way, your weekends are all planned. Go forth and eat Sour Patch Kids
BY SEAN FENNESSEY
The Obvious: X-Men: First Class
This '60s-set prequel is basically "Mad X-Men": Check out James McAvoy's follicular wonder as a pre-baldie Professor X. Then take a gander at Michael Fassbender's steely Holocaust survivor, Erik Lehnsherr, aka Magneto. And then there's Kevin Bacon rocking an ascot and double-breasted suit as Sebastian Shaw. Hell, they even got Betty Draper to reprise her ice queen shtick as villainess Emma Frost. This will tide you over until '12 when Matthew Weiner gets it together.
The Underdog: Submarine
This tiny U.K. indie about a 15-year-old boy attempting to shed his virginity has been compared to Wes Anderson's early work. That will either be a boon or a brake for you: Go with it. The cast is sharp and the soundtrack, from Arctic Monkeys frontman Alex Turner, is one of the best you'll hear all year.
The Verdict: X-Men: First Class
The Obvious: Super 8
J.J. Abrams does childlike wonder, damnit. And if you can't get on board with that, or this winsome '70s-set homage to Spielbergian extraterrestrial classics Close Encounters of Third Kind and E.T., then you may be dead inside.
The Underdog: The Trip
From Steve Coogan, Rob Brydon, and director Michael Winterbottom, the deeply disturbed and deeply brilliant minds of the men behind Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story, comes another meta-narrative. This time Coogan is a restaurant critic for the Observer who is joined by Brydon on a working road trip. There will be wordplay, there will be awkwardness, there will be laughs.
The Verdict: Super 8
The Obvious: Green Lantern
More comic books. Always more comic books. Ryan Reynolds is Hal Jordan, a cocky test pilot (is there any other kind?), who stumbles upon a dying alien and inherits a ring that gives him the power to create anything his mind can conjure. All of those things are green. Or something like that. Expect Reynolds' signature quippery, Blake Lively's quivering fellow pilot to somehow be romanced, and Peter Sarsgaard to sport a giant, alien-infected cranium. Fun for the whole family.
The Underdog: Buck
So The Horse Whisperer was not the manliest of films. This true-life doc, about Buck Brannaman, an almost mythically talented horse trainer, may change that. Brannaman, a victim of abuse who has dedicated his life to connecting with these mercurial animals, embodies an unlikely combination of masculinity and sensitivity. Come for the wild horses, stay for the emotional gravity.
The Verdict: Buck
The Obvious: Bad Teacher
We can see it now. Charles Bronson-style sneer, shotgun in hand, aviators in full effect: Cameron Diaz is The Bad Teacher. If only this raunch comedy were a revenge thriller set in a rundown high school. Instead Diaz is a trashy, foulmouthed greedy high school teacher who tries to scam her way out of work and into the pants of a new substitute played (scandal, ex-boyfriend) Justin Timberlake. Not bad, but still jonesing for Bronson.
The Underdog: Conan O'Brien Can't Stop
Remember when Conan O'Brien was champion of the marginalized? A real blue-collar $45 millionaire without a day job on a basic cable network? Those halcyon days of 2010—particularly O'Brien's well-received live road show—have been chronicled in this rambunctious documentary. Expect zany ginger jokes and beard growth.
The Verdict: Conan O'Brien Can't Stop
The Obvious: Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Michael Bay has come back for your soul. After the self-admitted disappointment of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen—you remember, the one where the evil robot ate a pyramid?—Bay is back, sans Megan Fox (who has been replaced as eye candy by Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley), and ready to remind you that he is the granddaddy of summer tentpole movies.
The Underdog: Terri
Describing this movie is not going to do it justice. We'll try anyway: Terri is an overweight, lethargic, pajamas-clad teenager who develops a friendship with his principal. See, we told you. Not an easy sell. And yet, that principal is played by John C. Reilly. Any better? Oh whatever, this trailer looks great.
The Verdict: Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The Obvious: Horrible Bosses
You all know them. You've all worked for them. You've all flipped the bird at them whilst their back was turned, only to catch you in the act and then you've had to pretend you were scratching your nose and...OK, just us. But still! This anthology-style story of three pals (Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, Jason Bateman) and the awful people they report to at work (Jennifer Aniston, Colin Farrell, Kevin Spacey, respectively) has comedy gem written all over it.
The Underdog: Beats Rhymes and Life: The Travels of a Tribe Called Quest
Queens representatives and all-around outstanding rap crew A Tribe Called Quest had a phoenix-like ascent in the oh-so-innocent late '80s/early '90s hip-hop landscape. But the group famously flamed out—this semi-controversial documentary, from super-fan/actor Michael Rappaport takes a look at the ups and downs, highs and Low End Theory of these American originals.
The Verdict: Another can't miss weekend.
The Obvious: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
This is the one where everything ends. There's gonna be wizardy. You may have heard of it.
The Underdog: Tabloid
When he's fascinated by his subject, Errol Morris is the most effective documentary filmmaker on the planet. Little is known about his new film other than the fact that it centers on Joyce McKinney, a former Miss Wyoming, a convicted rapist, and a supporter of cloning. So, you know, standard summer movie fare.
The Verdict: Tabloid
The Obvious: Captain America: The First Avenger
Chris Evans as...a superhero! Good that they're still making those! This one has been long-awaited as Ol' Cap is one of the most revered creations in the Marvel canon. Evans plays the hero in this origin story set during WWII. He will battle a red skulled Nazi named Red Skull who is too extreme, even for the Nazis. You can imagine what Captain America will have to do to a guy like that.
The Underdog: Another Earth
This odd science fiction film was a smash at Sundance earlier this year. We won't spoil, but, as the title infers, imagine a second version of the world we're living in, and what visiting it can do to your own future. Festival darling Brit Marling stars. You will see much more of her in the future—maybe get in on the ground floor.
The Verdict: Captain America: The First Avenger
The Obvious: Cowboys & Aliens
This looks like a joke—we have witnessed the laughter referred to in this story during the trailer. But it is not. Starring alpha-male action stars Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig, and directed by Jon Favreau, this comic book adaptation is actually a lock-stock American Western that takes itself deathly serious. Particularly when aliens invade the West. There are no winks here. Just the High Noon-meets-Independence Day mash-up you've been begging for.
The Underdog: The Devil's Double
Dominic Cooper stars in this stylish and intriguing thriller as both Uday Hussein (yep, Saddam's evil son) and Latif Ahia, a man who so eerily resembled Uday that he's forced to be his full-time body double. Cooper is reportedly brilliant in this dual performance, though the Husseins are so 2007. Bin Laden cinema is the next wave.
The Verdict: Cowboys & Aliens, but this could go either way.
The Obvious: Rise of the Planet of the Apes
James Franco returns to big budget action here, though not as the ape you may be picturing. Franco plays a scientist in this reboot/prequel to the historic franchise. On the plus side: The apes look way better than in Tim Burton's much-maligned 2001 version. On the other hand: Was anyone howling for another Planet of the Apes movie?
The Underdog: Dirty Girl
This is a coming of age story about a teenage girl set in the 1980s. Normally not a GQ look. But in this case, the titular Dirty Girl is played by fast-rising British actress Juno Temple. The goofily kinetic Temple, who happens to be the daughter of renowned rock documentarian Julien Temple, was an electric (and often disrobing) presence in Gregg Araki's Kaboom and she's been tapped by Chris Nolan for 2012's The Dark Knight Rises. Catch her before she's orbited into the star machine.
The Verdict: Dirty Girl, in an upset.
The Obvious: The Help
Also, potentially an avoid-at-all-costs is this adaptation of Kathryn Stockett's memoir about being raised by nannies and caretakers in the '60s South. But then there's Emma Stone. You remember Ms. Stone, right?
The Underdog: 30 Minutes or Less
Another sneakily classic comedy in the making. Jesse Eisenberg re-teams with his Zombieland director Ruben Fleischer for this '80s-ish high-concept flick about a pizza delivery dude who is forced to rob a bank by a pair of gorilla-masked criminals (played with glee by Danny McBride and Nick Swardson). Best bud Aziz Ansari is roped into the heist and shenanigans occur.
The Verdict: 30 Minutes or Less in a laugher.
The Obvious: Conan The Barbarian
Big man swing sword. Big man not Ahnuld.
The Underdog: The Missing Piece: The Truth About Vincenzo Peruggia and the Unthinkable Theft of the Mona Lisa
Call it Ocean's One. This insane true tale chronicles the story of the man who stole the Mona Lisa from the Louvre in 1911, holding it secretly, until ultimately returning it two years later. Filmmaker Joseph M Medeiros spent more than 30 years trying to find the truth about this fantastic story, becoming consumed in the process. You didn't know about this, don't lie.
The Verdict: The Missing Piece: The Truth About Vincenzo Peruggia and the Unthinkable Theft of the Mona Lisa
The Obvious: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
Guillermo del Toro producing a monster movie is a no-brainer. And though we wish this film were his recently scotched adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's At the Mountains of Madness, we'll settle for this good old-fashioned haunted house flick. Expect high-grade monster creations and a cheap scare or three.
The Underdog: A Good Old-Fashioned Orgy
Do we need to spell this one out any more? OK, a group of longtime friends in their thirties attempt to throw a massive end-of-summer orgy. Sounds simple enough. Unsurprisingly, the guy friends look like Jason Sudeikis, Martin Starr and Tyler Labine, while the women look like Lake Bell, Lucy Punch and Leslie Bibb. You know, just like your old high school clique.
The Verdict: This sort of depends on what sort of date you're on, really.
Apparently UFOs are the new black. Count how many movies this year that feature aliens bringing their intergalactic scrums to earth:Cowboys & Aliens, Green Lantern, Thor, Transformers 3, Battle: Los Angeles, and Super 8. And then there’s I Am Number Four, which not only beats them all to the punch, but also sets the bar fairly high for sci-fi fisticuffs. It’s a strong summer movie released in the dead of winter.
It stars the soon-to-be-major-heartthrob Alex Pettyfer, who will next be targeting the Twilight audience in the chick flick Beastly. In I Am Number Four, Pettyfer plays a teenage Superman-like space refugee hiding on Earth under the presumed name John Smith along with his guardian, Henri (Timothy Olyphant). He is the fourth among nine superpowered survivors who are being sequentially wiped out by some really mean intergalactic pillagers called Mogadorians, who look like more grotesque versions of the Romulans from Star Trek. John’s number may be up, but he has some bigger issues to deal with, like fitting in at high school and courting his first love, Sarah (Glee’s Dianna Agron).
I Am Number Four certainly plays it by the numbers. Teenage outsider attends a small-town high school, befriends the nerd (a wonderful Callan McAuliffe), catches the attention of the independent-minded hottie, and gains the ire of the quarterback bully (Jake Abel). It’s a superhero movie by way of John Hughes.
While many attempts of this kind have failed, I Am Number Foursucceeds. Neither the galactic adventure nor the high school woes feel tacked on or given the short shrift, with both facets of the plot working organically as a whole. It never feels generic, even though it’s preceded by the likes of Smallville and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Much credit goes to a cast and a screenplay that don’t regurgitate archetypes but create well-rounded characters we can root for.
It helps that you get scene-stealers like the ever-reliable Timothy Olyphant, who gives the elderly guardian role his typical sardonic spunk, and Kevin Durand, whose Mogadorian leader seems to be attempting a career at stand-up comedy with whip-smart quips about human society.
The movie certainly has its flaws, like a scene where a gang of punks manages to mastermind an ambush complete with night vision goggles. But even that scene is so tightly directed and played with energy and gusto that you tend to forget the senselessness of it.
The visual effects are a little wanting. It seems producer Michael Bay was holding out in this department, as if not wanting this movie to outshine his Transformers 3 this summer. But maybe that's to the film's benefit. The action, with no shortage of momentum, fares well, since it doesn't completely rely on the CGI department and compensates with a little old-school imagination instead.
What’s most interesting about I Am Number Four is how it works as a guy’s answer to Twilight. It’s not just a matter of how these films rewrite adolescent issues into the fantasy genre; it’s how they both work together to re-inscribe traditional gender roles.
As much as the Twilight movies might insist that Bella is an independent and strong figure, she’s still a rather vulnerable character. Bella’s a classical female archetype, trying to decide which powerful man (the vampire or the werewolf) she would rather canoodle with. That’s right: Twilight’s simply reasserting that a girl’s most prominent decision in life is who she marries. The guys are still the main feature.
Meanwhile, a guy movie would never relinquish such authority to women. So in I Am Number Four, the guy is still numero uno. He’s still the one with the superpowers. His role as the main feature will never be usurped. Though he meets another superpowered female (behold Teresa Palmer as the sexy and deadly Number Six), we can rest assured he will not be outdone by her in the series’ coming installments. She’ll just be another fetishistic object for him to consider as an alternative to that sweet girl next door.
So despite the fact that I Am Number Four has cross-gender appeal as a tender romance with a sci-fi backdrop, it still adheres to traditional masculine fantasies. There’s no bone thrown to theTwilight-ers here.
Eighty percent of the films in the top 50 highest grossing films of all-time were released after 2000, while no film prior to 1977 appears in the rankings because ticket-price inflation isn’t considered. To me, that’s not an accurate historical representation of which movies were most popular. So, after some digging, I found a chart based on data from boxofficemojo.com that ranks films using figures adjusted for ticket-price inflation, based on total box-office receipts. With Hollywood intent on the bottom line, it wouldn’t hurt major studios to consider remaking, modernizing, or “rebooting” these titles. Unless you’re a diehard film buff or are old enough to have actually seen these in the theater, chances are you’ve never heard of these cinematic sensations.
Sergeant York (1941)
Estimated Tickets Sold: 48,123,200
Adjusted Gross Revenue: $382,579,400
This is a 1941 biographical film about the life of Alvin York, the most-decorated American soldier of World War I. It was the highest-grossing film of the year, winning 2 Academy Awards – Best Actor and Best Film Editing – and nominated for Outstanding Motion Picture, Best Director, Best Writing, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Art Direction, Best Cinematography, Best Music, and Best Sound Recording.
House of Wax (1953)
Estimated Tickets Sold: 50,531,900
Adjusted Gross Revenue: $401,728,700
This 1953 horror film is a remake of 1933′s Mystery of the Wax Museum and was the first 3-D color feature from a major American studio and the second 3-D feature released by a major studio. It starred Vincent Price as a professor and devoted wax figure sculptor with a museum in 1910s New York. When his financial partner sets the museum on fire to claim the insurance money. He fights off Jarrod in the process, and splashes kerosene over his body, leaving him to die in the fire. Miraculously, Jarrod survives with severe injuries, and builds a new House of Wax with help from threatening deaf-mute sculptor played by Charles Bronson. There was a sh*tty remake starring Paris Hilton in 2005.
Duel in the Sun (1946)
Estimated Tickets Sold: 51,020,400
Adjusted Gross Revenue: $405,612,200
This 1946 Western tells the story of a half-Native American girl who goes to live with her Anglo relatives, becoming involved in prejudice and forbidden love.
It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963)
Estimated Tickets Sold: 53,875,400
Adjusted Gross Revenue: $428,309,600
The film won Oscars for Best Sound Editing and received Oscar nominations for its cinematography, film editing, sound recording, music score and title song. It also received Golden Globe nominations for Best Picture and Best Actor.
The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
Estimated Tickets Sold: 55,000,000
Adjusted Gross Revenue: $437,250,000
This is a 1946 drama about three servicemen trying to piece their lives back together after coming home from World War II. It won Oscars for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Screenplay, Best Supporting Actor, Best Film Editing, and Best Music, and was also nominated for Best Sound Recording.
My Fair Lady (1964)
Estimated Tickets Sold: 60,000,000
Adjusted Gross Revenue: $477,000,000
This flick is a 1964 musical film adaptation of a stage play of the same name. It’s about an arrogant, misogynistic professor of phonetics in London who believes he can teach any woman to speak so “properly” that he could pass her off as a duchess at an embassy ball. So, he recruits a young flower seller played by Audrey Hepburn named Eliza Doolittle (no relation to the doctor) who has a strong Cockney accent.
The Bells of St. Mary’s (1945)
Estimated Tickets Sold: 62,745,100
Adjusted Gross Revenue: $498,823,500
This film tells the story of a priest and a nun at a school who try to save their school from being shut down. It stars Bing Crosby and Ingrid Bergman. It won the Academy Award for Best Sound, Recording, and was nominated for Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Director, Best Film Editing, Best Music, Best Song, and Best Picture.
The Robe (1953)
Estimated Tickets Sold: 65,454,500
Adjusted Gross Revenue: $520,363,600
This is a Biblical film that tells the story of a Roman military tribune who commands the unit that crucifies Jesus. It won Academy Awards for Best Art Direction and Best Costume Design and was nominated for Best Actor, Best Cinematography, and Best Picture. It also won the Golden Globe Award for Best Picture.
Love Story (1970)
Estimated Tickets Sold: 69,998,100
Adjusted Gross Revenue: $556,485,300
This is a romantic drama that’s considered the ninth most romantic of all time by the American Film Institute, and was Tommy Lee Jones’ film debut.
The animated, villain-centricDespicable Me opens this weekend, but we prefer a different breed of scoundrel. Namely, the one with breasts.
Hot women, bad attitudes and skintight spandex seem like the perfect combination. Luckily, Hollywood has come to this conclusion, as well...just not nearly often enough, as far as we're concerned. So if you're dragged to see animated villains square off in Despicable Me over the weekend, simply close your eyes and picture any one of these curvy comic book supervillainesses. Trust us, they are far, far hotter than a bald, vaguely European Steve Carell.
The 2011 Oscars are this Sunday, so we thought – what better way to get you excited about people holding a trophy of a nude dude than with pics of NAKED CHICKS! Did you know you can see 8 of the 10 women nominated for Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress in their birthday suits on the internet? What’s up with the other two you ask? Well, one’s underage (Hailee Steinfeld) and the other just needs to take a look at this list to realize you don’t have to keep your clothes on to be successful. You can see more of her (Jennifer Lawrence) here. All these links are NSFW, so don’t say we didn’t warn you. The Oscar for best nipples goes to…
Nominated For: The Fighter
Appeared Nude In: Sunshine Cleaning, Psycho Beach Party, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Helena Bonham Carter
Nominated For: The King’s Speech
Appeared Nude In: Conversations with Other Women, Henry VIII, The Heart of Me, Till Human Voices Wake Us, Novocaine, Women Talking Dirty, The Wings of the Dove,Margaret’s Museum, Dancing Queen, Getting it Right, La Maschera, Lady Jane
Nominated For: The Kids Are All Right
Appeared Nude In: The Grifters, Valmont
Nominated For: Blue Valentine
Appeared Nude In: Blue Valentine, Incendiary, The Hawk Is Dying, Brokeback Mountain,Me Without You, If These Walls Could Talk 2
Nominated For: Black Swan
Appeared Nude In: Hotel Chevalier, Paparazzi photos
Nominated For: Rabbit Hole
Appeared Nude In: Australia, Birth, The Human Stain, Cold Mountain, Birthday Girl,Moulin Rouge!, Eyes Wide Shut, The Portrait of a Lady, Malice. Billy Bathgate, Bangkok Hilton, Dead Calm, Windrider,
Nominated For: The Fighter
Appeared Nude In: The Three Burials of Melquaides Estrada, Always, Silent Witness,Streetwalkin’
Nominated For: Animal Kingdom
Appeared Nude In: Jock Petersen, Alvin Purple, Stork
WHY IS SHE FAMOUS
Emma Watson has achieved worldwide fame as Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movie series. "I could be 100 years old and in my rocker,” she says, “but I'll still be very proud that I was part of the Harry Potter films." And though the actress wants to concentrate on school now that she's done filming the Potterseries, she's making a foray into fashion. As the face of Burberry's 2009 Fall/Winter and 2010 Spring/Summer campaigns and the subject of many a fashion article, Watson has been photographed by the world’s top fashion photographers, including Karl Lagerfeld, Mario Testino, Nick Knight, and Patrick Demarchelier. In 2011, she became the new face for Lancome.
We've gotta love a gal who is so successful and loyal to a film franchise. And it's not just us, evidently, who have taken a liking to this British beauty. Emma Watson made several lad mag sexy lists in the last few years, including Maxim's Hot 100, and she has already appeared on the cover of Teen Vogue three times. While the attention from the guys and teens is nice, those at the helm of international style are taking notice as well. Not only has she been photographed by Chanel head Karl Lagerfeld for French magazineCrash, but Watson also starred in Burberry's 2009 Fall/Winter and 2010 Spring/Summer campaigns.
Christopher Bailey, the creative director of Burberry, says: “Having known and admired the lovely Emma Watson for quite some time, she was the obvious choice for this campaign which, like the images she fronts, has a classic beauty, a great character and a modern edge… Emma’s charm, intellect and brilliant sense of fun made the whole shoot feel like a picnic on the Thames.”
Emma Watson hasn't worked on very many projects outside of theHarry Potter franchise, but that hasn't hurt her bank account. She continuously makes appearances on magazine lists dedicated to the richest young stars, including coming in at No. 6 on theForbes' list of "Most Valuable Young Stars." The Harry Potter films have given Watson a comfy financial cushion of over £10 million, meaning her Brown University attendance - she's in her third year - has been student-loan free. “Let’s be honest," says Watson. "I have enough money never to have to work again, but I would never want that. Learning keeps me motivated.” We definitely admire her frankness.
EMMA WATSON BIOGRAPHY
You'd never guess that Emma Watson spent the first five years of her life in Paris, thanks to her upper-crust British accent. When her parents, both British lawyers working in France, divorced in 1995, Watson moved with her mother Jacqueline and younger brother, Alex, to Oxfordshire, England. While growing up, the aspiring actress learned to sing, dance and act at the Oxford branch of Stagecoach Theatre Arts.
Emma Watson Gets Cast In Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's StoneEmma Watson starred in a number of school plays from age six to nine, but no films of the Hollywood variety. In fact, she had no films at all on her resume. When casting began for the film adaptation of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Watson's theater teacher directed casting agents to the budding actress. Eight auditions later, Watson, along with her then-future cast mates Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint, landed the leading roles that would soon change the course of their lives. Sure, that might sound cliche, but when you're nine years old and you star in the highest grossing film of the year, life takes you by the hand and says, "Guess what, you're not going to be like anyone else you've known up until this point. Take a mental picture now and brace yourself."
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone went on to make $975 million worldwide and became one of the most lucrative movies of all time. Watson reclaimed her role as bookworm Hermione forHarry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007), and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 and Part 2 (2010 and 2011, respectively). How many people get to watch not only themselves but their character grow up on camera?
Emma Watson And Teen Vogue
Along the way, Emma Watson has been featured on the cover ofTeen Vogue a total of three times, acted with luminaries like Richard Harris and Gary Oldman and has become a regular on the talk show circuit.
Emma Watson In Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince
After lending her voice to the animated flick The Tale of Despereaux, which costarred Dustin Hoffman, Sigourney Weaver and Matthew Broderick, Emma Watson began Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, which came out in July of 2009. Prior to the opening of The Half-Blood Prince, the Potter flicks had already taken in over $4.5 billion worth of ticket sales.
Emma Watson Finishes Filming The Harry Potter Series
Emma Watson wrapped up filming Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1, which was released in 2010, and the upcomingHarry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, which will be released in summer 2011. Post-Potter, Watson attended Brown University, where she appeared in the role of Irina in the University production of Chekhov’s Three Sisters.
Emma Watson And Burberry
Emma Watson is remaining in the limelight, and not just becauseHarry Potter films will be in theaters through 2011. Watson starred in Burberry's 2009 Fall/Winter and 2010 Spring/Summer campaigns, shot by none other than world-renowned photographer Mario Testino.
Gaining more and more attention as a style icon, Watson, whose favorite brand is Chanel, became a fashion favorite. The actress had the opportunity to meet house's head honcho, the eccentric Karl Lagerfeld, when he photographed her for Crash magazine in 2009. "I'd met Karl a few times before, at parties or something where we really couldn't talk," says Watson. "But this was a dream come true." Yes, she gets to call him "Karl."
Emma Watson, The Ethical Designer
The actress has also added the title of creative adviser to her resume, working closely with organic and fair trade pioneer People Tree to help founder Safia Minney develop a teenage range for the Spring/Summer 2010 collection. She also collaborated with the company on their Spring/Summer collection for 2011.
Continuing to embrace the idea of an ethical designer even further, Emma Watson launched a new collection in conjunction with Alberta Ferretti in 2011. The collection, named Pure Threads, is an environmentally-friendly line of bohemian dresses, lace-embroidered denim and '70s blouses inspired by Jane Birkin. U.S.Vogue even featured an article on Watson's new endeavor.
Watson is continuing to widen her fashion presence as the new face for Lancome.
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